Freshman Year - Fall 09

I came to college thinking that I would find intellectual satisfaction with majoring in finance. As it turns out, I had the wrong impression of what finance really was. This was when I realized that I wanted something that was more quantitative, something beyond that of high school level math. From this point on, I began to take a more serious look into mathematics, statistics, and physics (the few subjects of interest to me).

Second quarter of this first semester came around and finally meetings with professors and clubs brought me to an interesting career as a quantitative analyst. This occupation required graduate studies in a hard science, which is why I decided that I would have to go into graduate school. Physics was no longer something I wanted to do after multiple “gray-area” debates that I had with my astronomy instructor. This left me with either mathematics or statistics. Unsure of which route to take, I enrolled in calculus, linear algebra, and statistics next semester to make leeway to pursue either major.

As the end of the semester approaches, I realize more and more about how little I know about mathematics. Yet I came into my professor's office, loaded with questions to ask about graduate school. I don’t know exactly what it was about the short meeting we had Tuesday, December 1 but it did not go with me well. And I have been frustrated since. I came back that day asking myself, why is there so much of an emphasis on proofs in honors mathematics? Well, later that same day, I came with the most conviction I’ve had about being so ignorant about anything in my whole life. I realized I couldn’t prove that 0!=1 or that there was an infinite number of prime numbers. In fact, I didn’t even know where to start. These are all concepts that I used to think I was quite familiar with and they were what I took for granted (and without question). So now do I want to get into abstract math and throw out the idea of studying applied math and statistics altogether? Hopefully I’ll know for sure sometime next semester.

From what I’ve said, it’s unlikely that you know who I am and even if you do have an idea, you’re likely to be wrong because I was a completely different person before entering college.
 
High school was a real regret - I was lazy, I procrastinated and didn't do work. I don't even know if procrastination is even the right word to use, because most of the time I just didn't do anything. I don't know what I was thinking or why I did it to this day because I wasn't doing anything of any real significance to me.

I had a mean ass math teacher, who would not leave me the hell alone. She wouldn't let me talk, not pay attention to her, or sleep. She regularly questioned my motives and I even remember one instance where she called me out in class and told me to learn some work ethic. Being the ignorant, unknowing student, I wasn’t even sure what ethics meant and to my surprise no one was able to define it for me either. Anyway, I put up with this teacher - she was the only calculus teacher at our school. And I compromised by getting my share of fun too – I pissed her off and annoyed her every day.

I don't know what it was about me two weeks before the AP exam, but there was a breakthrough (and it wasn’t my mom’s threat about not paying for college because I honestly could not have cared less). All those questions she had been asking me finally meant something to me one day. I thought it was too late to make up for what I had missed in calculus, but I went through with it anyway. I took the test and to my surprise, found that I could answer everything.

Sometime before the last day of class, she asked me, “So, did you learn anything from me this year?” and I replied, “Yes”, out of politeness, although I wasn’t quite sure I meant it. She probably got our class test scores sometime over the summer and thought, “Holy shit, he sure did learn something.”

The answer to her question is still yes and I doubt she understands the extent to which that’s true. Not only did I learn something –my life was turned around. I went from being the worst student in all of her classes into being one of the most ambitious math students my current math teacher claims to have seen.

Looking back now, I know for sure that it was her who brought this ambition inside of me to life. I realize now that she helped me realize it’s such a waste not knowing what I’m capable of doing or letting what I could be doing go to waste. So here I am, indulging myself in every opportunity available to me; obsessively reading and researching, meeting people and attending lectures in pursuit of something I will enjoy and intellectually stimulate me.

Thanks. Keep doing what you do.